TO BE CONSTANTLY misunderstood and blamed, do you understand that pain?
To always be underestimated, to always be unwanted-- despised, even. To be constantly compared to someone you know you could never surpass. Do you know of this pain?
Do you know the pain of constantly feeling alone? Of constantly being shoved to the side? Of constantly trying to tell yourself that you are loved, that you do matter. Do you know of this pain?
Tell me, reader, do you?
I do. I know it very well.
☽༺♥༻☾
I LIVED IN a family of four.
There's my mom, my dad, my sister, and I.
My mom and dad got married at a young age. My dad, who was twenty-four at the time, was the heir to the largest known company in South Korea called Han Estates. My mom, who was nineteen, was a C-List celebrity with nothing to her name.
My mom, who's name was Yeseul Kang, entered the agency Lucky Entertainment at the age of fourteen. Even though she worked hard to make it, she had an average face and little-to-nothing status. The only way she could stay in the industry and not be dropped by her agency was to sleep with the director. Even then she could barely secure contracts with other companies and stay in the trend.
For five years, my mother had a constant routine of barely making ends meet and sleeping with her director. That was until my dad came into the picture.
Really, my dad is a victim and my mom is more sly than a fox.
My dad, Changmin Han, is a nice man. He had the perfect amount of love and care that any woman would want in a husband, especially with the considerable amount of looks and wealth he had. He also had an immense soft side, which is really his only fault.
My mom met my dad when she was lucky enough to attend a VIP party with the sleazy director she slept with at the time. Taken by his handsome looks and very wealthy status, she immediately pined for him. In order to secure him, my mom did drastic actions.
She acted like a white lotus, charming and pure. She made good impressions on him while subtly provoking the director, who eventually dragged her out of the party. My dad followed, worried for her like the gentleman he is, and saw her being taken advantage of. Amidst the chaos that ensued, my mom acted like the weaker and timid party. My dad took care of her, comforting her and persuading her to take the director and company to court. Even though my mom did not need much persuading, she did still resist quite a bit because of her innocent act. She eventually did take the case to court and, with my dad's best lawyers, won.
From that point on, my dad felt it was necessary for him to continue taking care of my mom. He felt pity and sympathy for her. My mom took advantage of this. She monopolized him for a few years and one day, she slipped a pill into his drink. Following that, she stripped her clothes and his clothes, placing them in a messy fashion all over the room. She even ripped some of her clothing to make it seem like he had been violent. Then, she dragged him to a bed and she got in as well. Things were peaceful up until he woke up in the morning to her screaming and crying, saying that he had forcefully taken her.
Even though her story was full of holes and inconsistencies, he panicked and immediately agreed to any demands she had. He felt responsible for an incident that never happened and thus willfully went along with her. She mentioned marriage and a few days later, they got married in secret.
Of course, they didn't slip by my grandmother's and grandfather's watchful gaze. My grandparents knew they were acquainted with each other because of the incident of my mom's case, which was mentioned in almost every news article, but only thought their son was helping out someone in need. They knew the soft side of their son and didn't question it.
But that didn't mean they'd let everything slide.
When they knew of the secret marriage, they blew their tops and had a huge argument over it with my dad. While my dad was dense and didn't see the lies behind my mom's story (or chose not to), my grandparents did. They fought constantly for days, and when they realized my dad wasn't going to back down, my grandparents removed my dad from their family registry. That means no money, no family, and no future.
One could say my mom received the short end of the stick, even though it was well-deserved. She married a handsome but penniless man and was blacklisted from the celebrity world after the court case went viral. But her unfortunate events didn't end there.
My mom later on, around the age of twenty-seven, found out she was pregnant. And it wasn't my dad's child.
My mom, unsatisfied with her husband, fooled around with some men behind his back. A few times she made them wear condoms, but usually, the men didn't.
My mom wasn't dumb. She told my dad she was pregnant and he assumed it was his. She didn't correct him. Nine months pass and on May 22nd, she gave birth to my sister, Yuri Han. Oh, what a joy her birth was! The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the heavens seemed to bless my mother with a beautiful baby girl.
My mom was not disappointed; in fact, she seemed even pleased with herself for having such a pretty daughter. She was determined that the next time she will be pregnant, she will make sure it was my dad's and to make sure it was a son. That way my grandparents would reconsider taking my dad back, especially since my dad's siblings didn't produce a nephew for them.
Two years pass and after countlessly trying, my mom is successfully pregnant with my dad's baby. She fawned over it for nine months, buying boy clothes and even hinting to everyone she sees that it's a male. She doesn't even want to know whether the baby was a boy or a girl from the doctor themselves, since she was so sure that it was a boy. It had to be a boy.
So, on the fateful day of September 1st, after hours of pushing the baby through, I was finally born. It had just turned into autumn but the snow was already falling and the temperature had turned cold. As the doctor pulled me away from my mom, he looked over me once and said, "Congratulations, it's a girl!"
My father was ecstatic. He was a simple man with simple desires. If he couldn't have a son and daughter, having two daughters is the next best thing. When my mother was out of it, he volunteered to name me. The name that was given to me was Mihi Han.
My mother woke up a few hours later and immediately asked to see me.
"Where is my son?" She said. "Bring me my son."
My dad gave her an embarrassed expression before kindly correcting her. "Yeseul, it's not a son. It's a daughter."
My mom seemed stunned for a minute before quickly denying, "No. No, it can't be a daughter. It has to be a son."
"Yeseul, we have a beautiful daughter named Mihi. Isn't that great?"
Overwhelmed, my mom began to cry. My dad naturally thought she cried out of happiness, so he comforted her. She accepted his comfort, even though she knew the reason why he did so. She wasn't crying out of happiness, no.
She was crying because I was not a son.
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